Young Lionel Snooker

Jazz. A flippant magazine. Humoristique, théâtral, sportif, en anglais. P. 10. 15 December 1925

Young Lionel Snooker was a successful gambler, because he took the business seriously, and never staked a penny unless there were nine chances out of ten of his money coming back with interest.

When young Lionel left the regiment, the mess were delighted to get rid of him for this reason.

His new colonel had been informed of his gambling successes, so on the evening of his arrival after mess he informed him in a friendly way that in future he would have to refrain from exercising his talents, or there would be trouble.

The young officer promised to amend his ways, then changed the conversation to a flattering description of his colonel’s campaigns in Northern India. Suddenly he said “That must have been a terrible affair in Gulwa Pass, when you got that awful wound in the backside.”

Furious the colonel protested, “Gulwa Pass, wound in backside, Damme! you pup! never heard of Gulwa Pass! never got wounded in backside!”

Young Lionel soothed him down. Said he, “Excuse me, Sir, no doubt you have seen so much service since that valorous affair that very likely you have forgotten the incident, which took place at least thirty years ago, but I’m open to bet a tenner that you have the scar still.”

Wishing to give the impertinent kid a lesson, in less time that it takes to relate the colonel had lowered his pants, and was displaying his skinny flanks for the former’s inscription.

The subaltern apologised and paid, over the ten pounds.

A week later arrived a letter from the C.O. of the regiment the gambler had forsaken.

“I suppose you feel very bucked,” it ran “about winning ten pounds off young L. Unfortunately it is our money, for before leaving us, he bet the mess over one hundred and fifty, that he would have your trousers down the first evening he met you.”