Snooksians, Neo-Snookists, and Anti-Snookers

The Scotsman, Thursday 25 February 1897

Now, if Snooks had his fair share of the mythopœic faculty, he would personify his oak trees, saying they were the seven sons of the earth, and a story would get about concerning Snooks and the seven sons he had by the lady earth. When Snooks died, they would put up a monument to him, and, in all probability, cut the word Snooks on it in large, fat, capitals. Future generations would hear about Snooks, and his seven sons, and the mother earth; and they would make a god of him, calling him, perhaps, Sneeyouks, to distinguish him from the great number of quite ordinary and vulgar Snookses who now abounded in the place, plain human beings, and very different persons from the venerated god of the grove. So, as the ages went on, there would arise sects of Snooksians, Neo-Snookists, and Anti-Snookers; and in due time a science of Comparative Snookology would grow up to explain and make clear what had been obscured by the mists of remote antiquity and contemporary journalism.