Pincher Plays Snooker Pool
Another Episode in the Life of the Entertaining Little Burglar.
By C. MALCOLM HINCKS.
“YES, guv’nor,” repeated Pincher, as he made himself comfortable in his usual fashion, “anything played on a billiard table is a tricky thing. Mind you, I’m a pretty good hand at billiards—a man in my profession has to be. Did I ever tell you how it was that I found snooker pool was as tricky as the prettiest and cleverest woman as ever lived, an’ that s sayin’ about as much as you can ever say for its trickiness.”
“I don’t remember the incident,” I said.
“Then you haven’t heard it,” said Pincher grimly, “for once having heard it you wouldn’t forget it in a hurry, not even with your mind for forgetting, guv’nor, which includes that new box of cigars on the sideboard!”
I opened the box and passed it to the little man, who selected a cigar with great care and bit off the end, then, after lighting it and taking what he modestly called a sip of whisky, he sat back comfortably in his chair.
“What I’m going to tell you about happened in a North London suburb some little time ago. Bill was livin’ there at the time, an’ wo were both makin’ preparations for a little crib cracking out Hampstead way. I’d gone into diggin’s there so that we should be close to each other. I ’d got in the habit of dropping into the billiard-room of a pub close by, and often managed to pick up a few bob at billiards or snooker.
“Then one night after a lucky afternoon, havin’ struck an absent-minded old cove walkin’ along Oxford Street so lost in thought that I’d been able to collar his gold watch an’ chain an’ six quid without his havin’ any idea he’d lost ’em. I dropped into the billiard-room, casual like, with the quids in my hip pocket an’ the watch in my coat-pocket. You see, I’d arranged with Bill Emmens to meet me in the billiard-room that night, an’ as I knew he’d just struck a chap wot was payin’ extra good prices, I’d decided to keep the watch until I’d seen him an’ got his pal’s address.
” There was no one there but the marker w’en I went in, an’ after talkin’ to him for a bit I was just goin’ into the bar to wait for Bill there w’en a meeklookin’ man with only one arm strolled in an’ went an’ sat down.
“‘Perhaps this gentleman will give you a game, sir?’ says the marker to me a bit doubtful as he looked at the one-armed man.
“‘Well, I don’t mind,’ he says: ‘but I’d sooner it be snooker than billiards. That’s my favourite game. As you can imagine, with my infirmity I’m not a great player, but I can hold ray own pretty well with the average man.’
”Cocky sorted chap, I thinks to myself as the marker arranged the balls, an’ I took my usual cue. He was a long time selectin’ his, then I asked him, casual like, wot points he usually played for.
”’Oh, I seldom play for money,’ he says; ‘but I don’t mind rankin’ it ha’penny points, if that will suit you.’
” I’d much sooner have made it more, but I thought I’d better let it go at that. As you probably know, guv’nor, in snooker pool there’s fifteen red balls an’ six others with different values, accordin’ to the colour, and so long as there are any reds on the table you have to pot one of ’em before you can go at a colour; then w’en all the reds have gone you have to pot the colours in a certain order, startin’ with the yellow, which counts two, and finishin’ with the black, which counts seven.
“But the great thing is to snooker your opponent, to put him in such a position that he can’t play at the ball he ought to, an’ then if he misses it he loses the value of the ball. It sounds pretty simple, but, as I said before, snooker is a very tricky game.
“Well, my one-armed pal started off, an’ I could see from the way he did he wasn’t an absolute novice, but that was about as much as you could say. Now I could have doubled my score in that game, but at ha’penny points I wasn’t keen on it. I wanted him to win, so as to encourage him to play for something bigger next game.
“He ought to have won easy, for you never saw such luck as that chap had at the start. Talk about flukes!
I never saw such a fluker in all my life, an’ he kept smilin’ and apologisin’ till w’en he was about fifty points ahead of me his luck changed.
“’This is my true form,’ he says, a little bitterly. An’ I cursed him, for I wanted him to win; an’ yet he kept leavin’ the balls right over the pockets, an’ though I missed as many as I could I had to score a good deal or the marker an’ half-a-dozen or so people wot had come into the room an’ was lookin’ on might have got suspicious an’ warned my one-arm pal, for most of ’em had seen me play before.
“Well, in the end, guv’nor, I won by forty points, an’ took a miserable one-an’-eightpence.
“‘You had very bad luck, sir,’ I says. ‘Fortune favoured me. Would you care to have another game, an’ try to get your revenge? With two players so well matched as ourselves, I think we might raise the stakes. It seems childish to play for coppers. What do you say to threepenny points?’
“‘Make it sixpence, if you like,’ he says offhanded, an’ that roused me, guv’nor.
“‘Double it so far as I’m concerned,’ I said as haughty as him.
“‘Very well,’ says he, ‘shillin’ points.’ An’ though the marker pretended not to hear, gamblin’ bein’ against the law, I could see he was excited, an’ so wore the chaps sitting on the settees who were lookin’ on an’ sippin’ their drinks.
“Well, guv’nor, it was my turn to start, an’ I made up my mind to play very careful. I reckoned that with anythin’ like luck I’d do the mug in for a quid or so, an’ he’d sorter asked for trouble. I made a reg’lar professional stroke, just touched a red, hit the cushion, an’ placed the ball almost behind the black, so as it was almost impossible for him to play at a red without hitting the black, an’ if he hit the black it meant that he gave me seven bob at the start. There was quite a round of applause, an’ I saw my one-armed pal look at me a bit old-fashioned, though I expect he put it down to a fluke, an’ I don’t mind admittin’ to you, guv’nor, that there was a good deal of luck in it.
“But the blighter had better luck than me. Some how he got clear of the black an’ got me in an awkward position, then I gave him a leave, an’ if it hadn’t been that he’d only got one arm, an’ was so obviously a mug with a wonderful run of luck, I should have said he was the greatest snooker player wot ever lived, an’ that all his shots were tried for.
“I hadn’t much to do, guv’nor. I just stood an’ watched him makin’ those proddin’ sorter shots of his an’ addin’ up the score in a terrible way. It got on my nerves. I couldn’t play up to my usual form for thinkin’ wot I’d have to pay if I didn’t buck up or his luck didn’t leave him.
“Two or three times I did give him a nasty snooker, but only once did I catch him, an’ though that let me in, an’ I managed to make twenty, he beat me by ono hundred points, guv’nor. An’ there I was bathed in perspiration, knowin’ I’d given my game away to the crowd lookin’ on, so that they’d never play with me again for a decent stake, an’ owin’ the one-armed blighter five bloomin’ quid, which I knew I should have to pay.
“‘I’ll trouble you for five pounds, sir,’ he says, quite calm. ‘You’ve had hard luck, but as I’ve an appointment I can’t offer you your revenge to-night, but I hope we shall meet here again!’
“I didn’t hope we should meet there ……….. I hoped we should meet somewhere …………….. lord had come in; he was a hefty …………… for strong language, so I had to pay up without a word, though I was worked up to bursting-point, to speak.1
“Ho took the money quite polite, an’ went to put on his coat, which was hangin’ next to mine, whilst 1 went an’ squared up with the marker an’ expressed somethin’ of my feelin’s.
“‘Good night, gentlemen,’ says the blighter wot had done me in for five quid, as he went o u t; an’, half dazed, I went an’ put on my coat. Then, guv’nor. I had a horrible shock. The watch had gone. I couldn’t believe it at first, but I searched all my pockets without findin’ the old cove’s watch, an’ with a horrible fear dawnin’ upon me, I made for the door an’ collided with Bill Emmens.
“‘Hulloa,’ says Bill, ‘you’ve had rival here tonight, I see!’
“‘What do you mean?’ I gasped, foolin’ like murderin’ somebody, an’ not knowin’ who to start on.
“‘Why,’ says Bill, quite innocent, ‘just as I was comin’ in I saw One-armed Jake hurryin’ off. Ain’t you ever met’ him? He used to hang about several West End places till it got a bit too hot for him. He’s the finest billiard sharper wot ever lived!’”
Pincher refilled his glass with a hand that trembled slightly. “Snooker is a tricky game!” he said hoarsely.
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Pearson’s Weekly – Saturday 21 June 1913