JOBSON AS A SNOOKER

Jobson has joined the snookers. But who are the snookers? A new political party or a new religious sect? Oh, no; they are simply gentlemen who play at snooker pool. But what is snooker pool? Well, snooker pool is played on a billiard table. Perhaps it is necessary, however, to enter into a little further explanation.

Of course you know the old game of pool, where one player plays on another, puts him into the pocket if he can, and so takes his lives. Snooker pool is an elaboration of common pool, the game being complicated by the introduction of an extra ball, called Blue Peter or Black Peter, as the case may be. If, after potting the ball on which he is playing, the player pots Peter without going in himself, the people pay him. But if he misses Peter or goes in with Peter, then he pays the people. Should he, having potted his man, find himself in such a position that he cannot strike Peter in consequence of the intervention of another ball, then he is petered or snookered. Now you understand.

The old Plumber knew nothing of the game when he was induced to join a merry company at a friend’s house. Indeed, he hardly knew the difference between a cue and a jigger. And even when he was told to “take a cue,” he wanted to play with the butt instead of the tip, as being better suited for hitting his own ball. Of course he made many misses at the opening of play. Sometimes ne misused the object ball, at other times he nearly missed his own, but in all cases of missing he had to pay the small but necessary counter. No consideration was allowed him, however, on the ground of want of knowledge, for the landlord, who was the great authority on the laws and ordinances of the game, laid it down that he could only learn from experience. Taught in this hard school, Jobson at length learned how to make a bridge, how to chalk his cue, how to use the jigger, how to hit something on the table, whether the ball he aimed at or some other. But of course he had to pay for his experience.

It happened generally at first that he hit the green when he ought to have hit the red, or hit the red when he ought to have hit the yellow, or hit Peter when it would have been much to his advantage if he had hit nothing at all. Jobson being a novice, everybody in the room was anxious to assist him. Whenever it was his turn to play, “the room was full of instructions.” “Make a firm bridge,” “Hold your cue straight,” “Don’t put on any side,” “Hit your ball low.” “Hit the yellow a little to the right,” “Mind you don’t go in off it,” “Take care you don’t hit Peter,” —these and a thousand other instructions, all given at once, so confused the old man that he oftener than not did what he oughtn’t to have done. Almost every time he either missed or left his own ball so that it was easily potted by the succeeding player. Thus it seldom happened that he had to perform without paying the piper. As a matter of fact, he was lucky if he hadn’t to pay all round. About every second time he was either snookered or touched Peter before he had touched his object ball. Once—and once only—did he pot his man; it was a wonderful shot—how he did it he didn’t himself know; but it would have been better if he had made a miss, for he found that Peter was hidden behind a rampart of other balls. Great was the commiseration for the old Plumber when these untoward incidents occurred. Every player lamented his misfortune, but nevertheless took a counter.

But Jobson learnt a thing or two as the game proceeded. Thus he learnt that he could snooker his player if he couldn’t do anything else. Then the company began to see that he made up in guile for what he lacked in skill. The laugh was on his side when on one occasion, the don and dabster of the room having to play upon him, he placed his ball time after time in such a position that his smiter couldn’t smite him without putting Peter into the pocket first. It was Jobson’s turn to smile now, and to pick up the counters also. And to the evening ended in triumph for the Grand Old Snooker after all. If he paid the people oftener than he ought, he now and then made somebody else pay the people too: which is perhaps as much as could have been expected from a novice at snooker pool.       

R. G.

Newcastle Chronicle, Saturday 02 July 1898